Teen pregnancy is one thing, but this quick-started got his girliefriend knocked up when he was the ripe old age of 12. How’s this kid going to take care of this baby? He’s still 3 years away from being able to deliver pizzas. Hell, by that time his kid will almost be ready to start a family of his own.

Here’s a great quote:

Alfie, who is just 4ft tall, added: “When my mum found out, I thought I was going to get in trouble. We wanted to have the baby but were worried how people would react.

Worried how people will react? Why? There’s no way in hell people on the street are going to assume that’s your kid. They are going to think you are the older brother. Hell, in a couple years people may start asking if the two of you are twins.

I guess I’m not really surprised they got pregnant. There’s no way the kid could afford to purchase condoms. I doubt his allowance would cover ‘em.

I’m curious, once you have a kid, can your parents still put you on restriction?

[original story here]

Do you remember when you were a kid and your mom said, “Don’t run in the house?” Well, here’s just one of the reasons she said that. Look at this kid’s nose. Cute little scars, right?

I wonder how he got those scars? Oh, maybe it’s from the fucking silverware sticking out of his face!!!

As a kid, the thought of this wouldn’t phase me. As a parent, it scares the living shit out of me.

I think all kids should be duct taped to a chair until the time they are 18 and move out of the house.

This may be the creepiest thing I have ever seen. It’s one of those times where I really wish I was making this up…

The body of deceased Angel Pantoja Medina stands erect and leans against a wall by his coffin during his own wake in his mother’s home in San Juan, Puerto Rico, Monday, Aug. 18, 2008. The last wish of Medina, 24, who was found dead on Aug. 15, 2008 underneath a bridge in the capital, was to be standing at his own wake, and was embalmed for the occasion.

It makes me want to start a list of crazy shit I want my friends and family to do after I die. Apparently you can ask for whatever you want and your family has to do it because you asked them to…

[original story found here]

The only thing I’ve ever liked about Lionel Ritchie is his train wreck of a daughter. That is until I saw this video…

You can go to every furniture store in the world and never find an equal for this couch. Sure, it only seats one, but how many people do you want in a vagina at one time, anyway?

This gem was found on craigslist.com. Described as:

For Sale – beautiful pink “vagina couch” that I made in art school and no longer have space for. The couch is large: measures 5′ 3″ long, 3′ 3″ wide at the middle, and stands 2′ 3″ tall (and is heavy like a couch). The pics are from my portfolio and are several years old; as a result, the couch has some scuffmarks and stains around the bottom from being moved, but otherwise is in excellent shape. A professional upholsterer helped me build the couch, so it is also functional and durable as a piece of furniture. The couch must be picked up in Mendocino, a 3-hour drive north of SF. I am asking for $600 and a loving home!

I was interested until I read that this vag had some scuff marks and stains.

Well, you can pretty much guarantee that nobody else in the world will ever have the same wedding cake as this couple in Texas. Their wedding cake was a life-sized replica of the bride. I wonder how the initial conversation went with the groom-to-be? “Honey, I would like to have a big cake… really big. Like, as big as me.”

Crystal had the best quote about the cake, “You know how most couples save there cake tops? I wonder if her head is in their freezer?”

Full story, and more photos found here

I sure hope the American Indians never see this video. The results could be devastating.

Wow, some people are real geeks. Who has time to sit around all day and build up their virtual city?

Every once in a while a product will hit the market that makes you say, “Now why didn’t I think of that?” This is not one of those products.

Are you tired of having just plain ol’ brown turds? Well worry no more. Take this fancy pills and your poop will glitter like it’s been touched by Midas himself!

Apparently they are only $425. I wonder if they have them in stock at Walmart?

[originally found at dvice.com]