I guess during the lulls involved in being an actor and/or governor you gotta do these little jobs here and there for some extra money. But come on, I don’t think I could ever take these two seriously again. Although, how seriously could you take them in the first place?

Schwarzenegger advertising… something.

Cage also advertising something.

Do you really feel safe with a fake ADT sticker on your doorstep to deter potential (as in potentially dumb) thieves from breaking into your home? You need to make it known that you mean business when it comes to protecting your home, family, and property. You need the Portal Denial System!

This security system will have your local crooks pooping their pants in pure fear as they watch a combined plasma, laser, and lightning beam create a visible force field to the entry to your home.

Did you catch that!?

A FUCKING PLASMA + LASER + LIGHTNING BEAM!!

[via Oh oh oh oh Ohhhhhhhh OhGizmo!]

Yep, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it all now. The nice folks over at bettybeauty.com have put out a product that helps you get rid of the boring hair color you have in your pants.

Labeled as “Color for the hair down there”, you can now have a “Fun Betty”, “Sun-Burst Betty”, “Blonde Betty” or one of the other 6 colors they have to choose from.

You have to read the testimonials on their site. They are fantastic!

“Changing clothes in the locker room at the gym is going to be awkward for a while. My new pink shrubbery is pretty striking!” - John, Las Vegas (oh crap! How did they get that one?)

When this kid says he wants more milk and cookies, your punk-ass better step up with some milk and fucking cookies!

“Bubba” Ludwig doesn’t wipe his own ass yet, but he’ll bust a cap in yours. This 10 month old, 2 foot 3 inch kid in Illinois received his gun permit after his dad paid the $5 bucks and filled out the application.

cnn.com reports:

Ludwig, 30, of Chicago, applied for the card after his own father bought Bubba a 12-gauge Beretta shotgun as a gift. The weapon will probably be kept at Ludwig’s father’s house until the boy is at least 14.

10 bucks says that Grandpa sits around with Bubba trying to get him to say, “Go ahead, make my day!”

Whatever belief system you were born/raised/taught/brainwashed with, everyone should invest in a freakshow shower head to be reminded on a daily basis that A) You are being watched. B) The water you are bathing in is perfectly safe. C) Scrub twice as hard to wash that magic dust out of your hair. D) Don’t forget the hair treatment. Armageddon is near and today could be the day you meet your maker. E) Why a shower head? Well, what did you have planned for a gas mask? Oh, nevermind.

I’ve said it 1000 times, “Good tattoos aren’t cheap, cheap tattoos aren’t good.”

Need more proof? How’s this?

“I have never seen a full Brewers season where they make the playoffs. Born in July 1982, I missed that amazing World Series run. It’s been a long 24 years- the longest playoff drought in baseball. With a young team of quality stars and shrewd management, we’re boldly making our move. I get so excited thinking about the Brewers now, a little pee comes out. In fact,

When the Brewers
make the playoffs
I will pee my pants.

This is no joke, Check it out hereÂ

If you liked the parasites post, you’ll love this one!