When a girl brings home her boyfriend to meet the parents, there is always some amount of skepticism on the parents part. Never more-so than when Sharon Tendler let her folks know that she met the man, err, fish of her dreams.

This British braniac has fallen in love with a dolphin and for the past 15 years has been pining over the slippery suiter. She recently made it official and tied the knot with the 35 year old dolphin.

MSN reports:

In a modest ceremony at Dolphin Reef in the southern Israeli port of Eilat, Tendler, a 41-year-old British citizen, apparently became the world’s first person to “marry” a dolphin.

Dressed in a white dress, a veil and pink flowers in her hair, Tendler got down on one knee on the dock and gave Cindy a kiss. And a piece of herring.
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“It’s not a perverted thing. I do love this dolphin. He’s the love of my life,” she said Saturday, upon her return to London.

Apparently the marriage may already be on the rocks after the menu for the reception dinner included tuna casserole.

While she still kept open the option of “marrying human” at some stage, she said for now she was strictly a “one-dolphin woman.”

She’s hardly the jealous type, though.

“He will still play with all the other girls there,” she said, of their prenuptial agreement. “I hope he has a lot of baby dolphins with the other dolphins. The more dolphins the better.”

The father of the bride was quoted after the ceremony saying “When she got her heart broken years ago, I told her there were other fish in the sea. This is NOT what I meant!”

To hear my mother tell it, this is how I was about absolutely everything as a kid.

I don’t know that much has changed. I feel I should be typing IN ALL CAPS AND WITH LOTS OF EXCLAMATIONS!!!!!!!

Makes me want to take up drinking again.

Why was I not surprised to learn that this story came out of Amsterdam??

A group of students have invented a powder that when water is added becomes a bubbly, lime-colored drink with 3 percent alcohol content. And what is their target market, you might ask? People under 16. Apparently since it would be sold in powder format, it would avoid all legal issues with selling to minors and as an added bonus companies selling it would avoid government taxing because the alcohol is in powder form.

[original story]

This oyster farmer in Australia doesn’t think his oysters are getting his customers horny enough. So, he has tried several dozen ways to make them an even bigger turn-on.

First he tried putting tiny oyster lingerie on them. With the lack of shoulders and hips, it was really difficult to keep them on for long. The makeup didn’t work either. They oysters still looked like rocks but with lipstick.

Well, he now has some hard evidence that he’s on the right track.

Yahoo News reports:

An Australian oyster farmer has hit upon a technique he believes has created the ultimate aphrodisiac — feeding his shellfish the drug Viagra.

“I’m getting calls from Macau, Hong Kong, Moscow for god’s sake. I’m getting calls from all over the bloody world.”

If you try some of this farmers oysters, be sure not to stiff your waiter.

We’ve all had those mornings where we wake up and just need a little boost to get us going… Coffee? Nah, I don’t want to get butt-raped by Juan Valdez and the rest of his minions over at Starbucks for a cup of Joe. How about Red Bull? I don’t know about you, but Red Bull has become ineffective. Perhaps it’s because I started drinking them so often that the feeling that my heart was going to explode actually became a welcome relief from the doldrums of every day life…

Nope. None of that is going to work. You know what I need? I need something that’s really going to kick my ass…

I’ll try this:

Well, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one who heads down to the park, rolls around on the grass and then rubs one out… I try not to have mine caught on video, though…

The doctors point out some ancient tried and true methods for penis enlargement, but these aren’t any more comfortable. Indian Sadhus men, for example, use weights to increase their penis length, while the Topamina of Brazil encourage poisonous snakes to bite their penises to get a size boost that lasts six months.

Penis Myths Debunked - LiveScience.com

First spiders, now this. I wish I were fucking kidding.

“With great power comes great responsibility!”

Wiser words could have not been spoken to the then young Spider Man by his Uncle Ben. Before his “Spidey” abilities he was simply Peter Parker who was given special powers by a simple spider bite.

Now, farmers in Chile are tempted to start marketing “special powers” to men through the means of a simple spider bite. There will be some risk, no doubt, since the spider is a breed of Black Widow that is known to kill children, elderly, and those with weak immune systems. It will cause days of pain regardless of your age or health, and may cause for a few embarrassing moments as you lose control of bodily function.

But is the trade off worth it? Fuck yeah!

Like one of Peter Parker’s special abilities, this spider will increase your muscle mass…overnight!

…of your penis!

And just like Peter (seems like a more fitting character name now doesn’t it?) was able to launch uncontrolled shots of web-goo at first, one of the side effects of this spider bite is random uncontrolled ejaculations. Your’s just won’t be from your wrists.

it leads to erections that can last for days and involve involuntary ejaculations…At the end of the ordeal, the man is left sexually energized and feels physically stronger…

A final benefit: The spider-venom kills off any active sperm like a spermicide. Birth control built into a penis enlargement product? Brilliant!

The venom of the [spider] has spermicidal properties not found in black widows in other regions of the world

Now good luck as you try not to run away screaming like a girl when you go in for a “procedure” and they throw a huge, aggravated, angry spider on your dick.

[Story Link]

Metro reports:

A German man almost died after using a sink plunger as a bath plug and impaling himself in the backside after slipping on a bar of soap.

But as he stood up to soap himself he slipped and fell heavily on the plunger, wedging the wooden handle far up his bottom.

Oh Reeeeeeeeeeeally? That alibi stinks as bad as the handle of that plunger! Sounds to me like this dude was getting frisky with the toilet tool and things got out of hand. When he felt the handle bounce of his rib-cage he realized he had gone too far. Being the quick thinker that he is, he moves from the bedroom in to the shower and then calls 911 looking for help.

If this guy goes back to the hospital in a few months because his dog bit off his wiener, we aren’t going to believe the story about how he was eating a sandwich naked and he dropped the peanut butter on to his crotch and the dog went crazy.