“With great power comes great responsibility!”

Wiser words could have not been spoken to the then young Spider Man by his Uncle Ben. Before his “Spidey” abilities he was simply Peter Parker who was given special powers by a simple spider bite.

Now, farmers in Chile are tempted to start marketing “special powers” to men through the means of a simple spider bite. There will be some risk, no doubt, since the spider is a breed of Black Widow that is known to kill children, elderly, and those with weak immune systems. It will cause days of pain regardless of your age or health, and may cause for a few embarrassing moments as you lose control of bodily function.

But is the trade off worth it? Fuck yeah!

Like one of Peter Parker’s special abilities, this spider will increase your muscle mass…overnight!

…of your penis!

And just like Peter (seems like a more fitting character name now doesn’t it?) was able to launch uncontrolled shots of web-goo at first, one of the side effects of this spider bite is random uncontrolled ejaculations. Your’s just won’t be from your wrists.

it leads to erections that can last for days and involve involuntary ejaculations…At the end of the ordeal, the man is left sexually energized and feels physically stronger…

A final benefit: The spider-venom kills off any active sperm like a spermicide. Birth control built into a penis enlargement product? Brilliant!

The venom of the [spider] has spermicidal properties not found in black widows in other regions of the world

Now good luck as you try not to run away screaming like a girl when you go in for a “procedure” and they throw a huge, aggravated, angry spider on your dick.

[Story Link]