Makes me want to take up drinking again.

We’ve all had those mornings where we wake up and just need a little boost to get us going… Coffee? Nah, I don’t want to get butt-raped by Juan Valdez and the rest of his minions over at Starbucks for a cup of Joe. How about Red Bull? I don’t know about you, but Red Bull has become ineffective. Perhaps it’s because I started drinking them so often that the feeling that my heart was going to explode actually became a welcome relief from the doldrums of every day life…

Nope. None of that is going to work. You know what I need? I need something that’s really going to kick my ass…

I’ll try this:

The future of SEO isn’t going to be about fucking with algorithms and plugging spammy keywords into already spammy articles. It’s not about building links and baiting gullible bloggers to write about your funk. It won’t be about 302 error hijacking and spoofing spiders to doorway pages. There won’t be MySpace whoring and digg baiting and stumbleupon surfing. Forget about your auto-bloggings. You won’t be able to ping and trackback your way into the SERPs no matter how hard you try.

No, my friends, the future of SEO is not SEO at all. The future belongs to a college kid driving a nondescript van speeding 6 MPH over the limit while being paid minimum wage. Future search engine gaming will consist of tracking every movement of these vehicles like the DEA keeps track of their undercover agents. Lists of known vehicles and their whereabouts will have a hefty blackmarket value, and Google will make sure that many “dud” vehicles are on the list as well. The game will involve knowing when and where a vehicle is near you and learning how to conveniently place and pose for the mounted camera on these vehicles (whitehat) or learning how to dodge out of view so you’re not spotted coming out of a strip club (blackhat).

Here’s the top 15 ways to hack this awesome new feature from our Googler community.

When we have issues with our network at the office, we call the guy that is T in I.T. “Who’s that you?” you ask? None other than Mr. T, of course.

Between the Snickers commercial and now this gem, it won’t be long before we add an entire category just for Mr. T.

Enjoy!

When they talked about casual dress Friday, I don’t think this is what they had in mind.

original found here

Ann Summers turns her iPod in to a love toy and Apple calls their lawyers? If they were real men, they would demand a demonstration and call all their buddies to come over and watch!

newsoftheworld.co.uk reports:

Women all over Britain are saying yes, yes, yes to the £30 iGasm that plugs into a music player and delivers good vibrations that pulse to the beat.

But shocked iPod bosses are iRate—demanding stores take down all posters for the gadget or risk a fight in the iCourt.

The neon-pink ads feature a curvaceous girl with wires coming OUT of her MP3 player and INTO her knickers. And it’s definitely turned on.

Why must they crap on all good things??

Share Music iPod to iPod!!! No Restrictions!!

Anyone up for some online play?

(click image for full size ad)

I guess during the lulls involved in being an actor and/or governor you gotta do these little jobs here and there for some extra money. But come on, I don’t think I could ever take these two seriously again. Although, how seriously could you take them in the first place?

Schwarzenegger advertising… something.

Cage also advertising something.

I present to you the Facial Flex.

Nobody using this product should be taken seriously.

If you see one of these in a buddies home, be sure to call him a homo and punch him in the face. If your buddy happens to be a really hot blonde, start buying her flowers, candy, jewelry or a BMW if needed. It will all be worth it in the end.