Do you really feel safe with a fake ADT sticker on your doorstep to deter potential (as in potentially dumb) thieves from breaking into your home? You need to make it known that you mean business when it comes to protecting your home, family, and property. You need the Portal Denial System!

This security system will have your local crooks pooping their pants in pure fear as they watch a combined plasma, laser, and lightning beam create a visible force field to the entry to your home.

Did you catch that!?

A FUCKING PLASMA + LASER + LIGHTNING BEAM!!

[via Oh oh oh oh Ohhhhhhhh OhGizmo!]

Whatever belief system you were born/raised/taught/brainwashed with, everyone should invest in a freakshow shower head to be reminded on a daily basis that A) You are being watched. B) The water you are bathing in is perfectly safe. C) Scrub twice as hard to wash that magic dust out of your hair. D) Don’t forget the hair treatment. Armageddon is near and today could be the day you meet your maker. E) Why a shower head? Well, what did you have planned for a gas mask? Oh, nevermind.

“I have never seen a full Brewers season where they make the playoffs. Born in July 1982, I missed that amazing World Series run. It’s been a long 24 years- the longest playoff drought in baseball. With a young team of quality stars and shrewd management, we’re boldly making our move. I get so excited thinking about the Brewers now, a little pee comes out. In fact,

When the Brewers
make the playoffs
I will pee my pants.

This is no joke, Check it out hereÂ

Some things are meant to be: salt and pepper, PB & J, Burt and Ernie, Puppies and love. They’re the comforting sights, smells and tastes that remind us of better times.

Some things aren’t meant to be: Russians and Roulette, Nail-guns and Toddlers, Nuts and Chewing-gum, etceteras. Rivers aren’t supposed to run red, frogs aren’t supposed to fall from the sky… but they’re about to. The end is nigh! I present you: Kool-aid Dills.

WTF:

……….”they now have an arresting color that combines green and garnet, and a bracing sour-sweet taste that they owe to a long marinade in cherry or tropical fruit or strawberry Kool-Aid.”

Remote. Controlled. Vibrator.

The wife told me she bought a new TV remote. She looked so happy every time I tried to change the channel…

Metro.co.uk reports:

An Ann Summers vibrator has been deemed a threat to the national security of Cyprus.

Cypriot military fear the British made radio-controlled vibrating love egg will disrupt the army’s radio frequency and banned it from use on the island.

Good news though. It’s safe and sanitary.

Better yet, where can I get a copy for the PS3? And does the girl come with it?

LINK TO DIET PLAN

…..” I gained 34 lbs. of muscle, while losing 3 lbs. of fat, in 28 days.”

Â

The Riddler’s Green T-shirt and Stick rule!

Well.. How about one that is a prominent political figure!?

http://www.reuters.com/news/video/popup?videoId=47029&pos=57.077&vol=100&popPlayer=true