Whatever belief system you were born/raised/taught/brainwashed with, everyone should invest in a freakshow shower head to be reminded on a daily basis that A) You are being watched. B) The water you are bathing in is perfectly safe. C) Scrub twice as hard to wash that magic dust out of your hair. D) Don’t forget the hair treatment. Armageddon is near and today could be the day you meet your maker. E) Why a shower head? Well, what did you have planned for a gas mask? Oh, nevermind.

Again, I shit you not. Only this time, it is punny! I’d say we need a “Wacky Scandanavians” category, but I’d bet there won’t be too many nuttie stories like this one.

Man, I sure am thirsty and a bit tired. I think I’m going to go get an energy drink… hmmm. what kind will I have? Red Bull? Nah. Monster? No thanks. Rock Star? Sounds tempting, but not quite it…

I KNOW! I’ll have a Cocaine energy drink!! Now I can get all amped up and strung out all at once…

CNN reports:

An energy drink called Cocaine has been pulled from stores nationwide amid concerns about its name, the company that produces it said Monday.

…

The FDA cited as evidence the drink’s labeling and Web site, which included the statements “Speed in a Can,” “Liquid Cocaine” and “Cocaine — Instant Rush.” The company says Cocaine contains no drugs and is marketed as an energy drink. It has been sold since last August in at least a dozen states.

“Of course, we intended for Cocaine energy drink to be a legal alternative the same way that celibacy is an alternative to premarital sex,” Ivey said. “It’s not the same thing and no one thinks it is. Our product doesn’t have any cocaine in it.

WTF?? No cocaine in it at all?? I paid $475.00 for 6 pack, there better be some cocaine in it!

I present to you the Facial Flex.

Nobody using this product should be taken seriously.

If you see one of these in a buddies home, be sure to call him a homo and punch him in the face. If your buddy happens to be a really hot blonde, start buying her flowers, candy, jewelry or a BMW if needed. It will all be worth it in the end.

When I think of personal safety, a condom comes to mind before a tampon. However, the geniuses over at americaninventorspot.com are in a league of their own.

I love this quote:

Ladies can replace that monthly period with an exclamation mark as feminine hygiene goes lethal with The Pink Stinger, a taser/stun gun creatively disguised as a tampon…except for the buttons, prods and high voltage. This weapon of mass absorption aims to target a niche market consumer, that being the tampon wielding women who desire private and discreet security in a friendly familiar package.

Somebody ripped out several chapters from the Bible. Jesus goes from being an infant to being in his 30s in the blink of an eye. So, what happened during those missing years? Was he a wild teenager? Did he make out with Betty-Sue behind the barn? Did he have to stay after school for shooting spit-wads? Did he drink so much wine on his 21st birthday that his buddies had to carry him home?

Turns out, Christopher Moore has the answer. He wrote a book called: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal. This book will fill in all the details for you. For example, did you know Jesus had some martial arts training? I’ll bet you didn’t know that!!

The editorial review at amazon.com says:

A childhood pal of the savior is brought back from the dead to fill in the missing 30-year “gap” in the Gospels in Moore’s latest, an over-the-top festival of sophomoric humor that stretches a very thin though entertaining conceit far past the breaking point. The action starts in modern America, specifically in a room at the Hyatt in St. Louis, where the angel who shepherds “Levi who is called Biff” has to put Christ’s outrageous sidekick under de facto house arrest to get him to complete his task.

Oh, come on! Tell me that isn’t reason enough to read this book!

Get a good night’s sleep and scare the shit out of your friends and family with the amazing Blood Pillow!

Check out these products and the packaging they are in. Wtf?

Click Here

As much as he’s tried to hide it, we’ve all known about John’s fetish for farm animal porn and furry conventions. Today is THE big day for John because scientists at the University of Nevada (where John hangs out on the weekend (and now we know why)) have leaked the outing of John’s new faithful, yet furry, companion: Little Mo’ Sheep! Read the rest of this entry »