“Manfred Schuh was so embarrassed about his penis size he got his brother Walter to step in and have sex with his girlfriend.”
There are just soooo many bad one-liners that work here:
“I wonder if the charges will stick?”
“He’s really wrapped up in his work”
“He’s in a sticky situation now”
Feel free to add your own one-liners to the comments.
I have realized why I like this site so much… I find stupid people, I laugh at them, I feel better about myself. It’s really a win-win situation..
From handjobs to the funniest damn thing ever done about gamers.
This rocket surgeon needed some cash and decides he’s gonna rob himself a bank. Yee Haw! But first, he’s gonna need himself a disguise! He comes up with the “Huh?” inspiring idea of taping some branches and leaves to himself.
UnionLeader.com reports:
Video surveillance of the Saturday morning robbery showed a thin white man leaving the bank in a shroud of tree branches, all duct-taped to his shirt and head. His short, dark hair and mustache were clearly visible between the leaves.
Coldwell lives at 50 Lowell St., about three-quarters of a mile south of the bank. Residents at that address laughed about the incident, but refused to discuss it with a reporter yesterday.
The robber decided to get out of there when the teller said, “Why don’t you make like a tree and get the fuck out of here.”
The only kind of Do-It-Yourself penis enlargement I am interested in doing requires my hand, some lotion and a photo of Shannon Elisabeth. However, these idiots over in Cambodia have taken it a step (or several) farther by injecting hair tonic into his penis.
Apparently the pain was so intense, he hanged himself to escape the pain.
I consider myself to be an adventurous person. I’ll try most anything once. This, however, does not make the list.
If you are looking for penis enlargement (and when you think about it, who isn’t?), you can always check out ebay. Hell, that’s the first place I thought of. Try one of these products:
Just to be a contestant on this game show, they could not pay me enough.
And you thought Super Press Your Luck was bad when they dropped Cheetos on the players head for hitting a wammy.
I’m so sick of all the Viagra commercials. All they talk about is how to make your dick hard. Hell, I can do that. I’m looking for a way to make mine longer. Thanks to this genius here, I think I have a plan!!
Metro Reports:
Jaja Stone thrills a crowd in Jakarta, Indonesia, by pulling a bus along… with his penis.
It was part of a strong man contest to mark the city’s 480th anniversary. Mr Stone proved he had balls of steel by pulling the 8.9- tonne bus 50m (55 yards) using his genitals.
Why didn’t I think of this sooner?
Your tax dollars at work, people!!!
CBS reports:
A Berkeley watchdog organization that tracks military spending said it uncovered a strange U.S. military proposal to create a hormone bomb that could purportedly turn enemy soldiers into homosexuals and make them more interested in sex than fighting.
The report goes on to say:
As part of a military effort to develop non-lethal weapons, the proposal suggested, “One distasteful but completely non-lethal example would be strong aphrodisiacs, especially if the chemical also caused homosexual behavior.”
The documents show the Air Force lab asked for $7.5 million to develop such a chemical weapon.
Ohh goody. 7.5 Million to make these dudes want to bone other dudes… If you talk to enough gay folks they’ll tell you that a 12 pack of Budweiser does the same thing.
When a girl brings home her boyfriend to meet the parents, there is always some amount of skepticism on the parents part. Never more-so than when Sharon Tendler let her folks know that she met the man, err, fish of her dreams.
This British braniac has fallen in love with a dolphin and for the past 15 years has been pining over the slippery suiter. She recently made it official and tied the knot with the 35 year old dolphin.
MSN reports:
In a modest ceremony at Dolphin Reef in the southern Israeli port of Eilat, Tendler, a 41-year-old British citizen, apparently became the world’s first person to “marry” a dolphin.
Dressed in a white dress, a veil and pink flowers in her hair, Tendler got down on one knee on the dock and gave Cindy a kiss. And a piece of herring.
Story continues below ↓advertisement“It’s not a perverted thing. I do love this dolphin. He’s the love of my life,” she said Saturday, upon her return to London.
Apparently the marriage may already be on the rocks after the menu for the reception dinner included tuna casserole.
While she still kept open the option of “marrying human” at some stage, she said for now she was strictly a “one-dolphin woman.”
She’s hardly the jealous type, though.
“He will still play with all the other girls there,” she said, of their prenuptial agreement. “I hope he has a lot of baby dolphins with the other dolphins. The more dolphins the better.”
The father of the bride was quoted after the ceremony saying “When she got her heart broken years ago, I told her there were other fish in the sea. This is NOT what I meant!”
Metro reports:
A German man almost died after using a sink plunger as a bath plug and impaling himself in the backside after slipping on a bar of soap.
But as he stood up to soap himself he slipped and fell heavily on the plunger, wedging the wooden handle far up his bottom.
Oh Reeeeeeeeeeeally? That alibi stinks as bad as the handle of that plunger! Sounds to me like this dude was getting frisky with the toilet tool and things got out of hand. When he felt the handle bounce of his rib-cage he realized he had gone too far. Being the quick thinker that he is, he moves from the bedroom in to the shower and then calls 911 looking for help.
If this guy goes back to the hospital in a few months because his dog bit off his wiener, we aren’t going to believe the story about how he was eating a sandwich naked and he dropped the peanut butter on to his crotch and the dog went crazy.
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