Lee Freedman must have done a lot of LSD in the sixties. That’s the only way I can imagine he came up with an idea as colorful as this one. After 35 fears of trying to stop himself from going public with this, turns out 2007 just seemed like the right time to embarrass himself.

Mr. Freedman has created us a new alphabet. But, instead of being new shapes or adding new characters, he has instead turned each letter of the existing alphabet in to a color.

CNet reports:

Lee Freedman has waited a long time, but he thinks the moment is finally right to spring on the world the color alphabet he invented as a 19-year-old at Mardi Gras in 1972.
….
It may seem confusing, but it’s actually very simple, in concept at least. The letter “a” is represented by a bright yellow, “b” is a light blue, “c” a pale pink, “d” is grey, “e” is orange and so on.

Well, that explains it. He invented this on a drunken binge down at Mardi Gras. All those ladies flashing their boobies for some colorful beads. Apparently he figured out that he didn’t need to speak any words at all. Just flashing the colorful beads meant the ladies flashed. He looked down, saw the red/green/red/yellow and said this means ‘TITS’!!! I’m going to be ORANGE/GREEN/AQUA/PURPLE” Which obviously spells RICH.

Well, color me skeptical.

I love that joke! But seriously…

We complain that our government spends so much money on a war… At least we don’t have to deal with this one, yet.

Reuters reports:

Poland’s conservative government took its drive to curb what it sees as homosexual propaganda to the small screen on Monday, taking aim at Tinky Winky and the other Teletubbies.

Ewa Sowinska, government-appointed children rights watchdog, told a local magazine published on Monday she was concerned the popular BBC children’s show promoted homosexuality.

She said she would ask psychologists to advise if this was the case.

In comments reminiscent of criticism by the late U.S. evangelist Jerry Falwell, she was quoted as saying: “I noticed (Tinky Winky) has a lady’s purse, but I didn’t realize he’s a boy.”

I love how it’s always these adults who want to “protect” children from shows where a character may be gay. WTF are they protecting them from, exactly? I’ve never once heard a little boy say, “I just finished watching the Teletubbies. One of them was carrying a purse. I’m gonna go suck a dick.”

New sports are created all the time. It wasn’t that many years ago that Snowboarding didn’t even exist. And now, you can’t crap in Colorado without hitting a snowboarder.

For those of you who don’t have the funds to go out and get yourself a snowboard and all the gear, here’s a sport that perhaps you can afford. Port-a-Potty racing. No, this is not a race to the potty after a large lunch at Taco Bell. This is a way for Nascar level fans to spend their energy and get some exercise.

When this kid says he wants more milk and cookies, your punk-ass better step up with some milk and fucking cookies!

“Bubba” Ludwig doesn’t wipe his own ass yet, but he’ll bust a cap in yours. This 10 month old, 2 foot 3 inch kid in Illinois received his gun permit after his dad paid the $5 bucks and filled out the application.

cnn.com reports:

Ludwig, 30, of Chicago, applied for the card after his own father bought Bubba a 12-gauge Beretta shotgun as a gift. The weapon will probably be kept at Ludwig’s father’s house until the boy is at least 14.

10 bucks says that Grandpa sits around with Bubba trying to get him to say, “Go ahead, make my day!”

“I have never seen a full Brewers season where they make the playoffs. Born in July 1982, I missed that amazing World Series run. It’s been a long 24 years- the longest playoff drought in baseball. With a young team of quality stars and shrewd management, we’re boldly making our move. I get so excited thinking about the Brewers now, a little pee comes out. In fact,

When the Brewers
make the playoffs
I will pee my pants.

This is no joke, Check it out hereÂ

When I was a kid, I remember thinking that my teachers were the smartest people in the world. Hell, they knew everything! Every subject. Didn’t matter, they knew it.

Wow how times have changed. More and more you are hearing stories like this one that comes from a school in Staten Island, New York. Apparently the Dean of the school was pissed off because the kids were having a food fight. He sat himself down at the word processor and wrote up a letter that went out to all the parents. Unfortunately, he never hit the spell check button and paid no attention to the highlighting in Word that tells you your grammar is shitty.

The New York Daily News reports:

This behavior, he wrote, was “unexcecpable,” and all eighth-graders in IS 51’s health academy could lose out on senior “activates” like the prom and class trip.

In addition to at least 16 spelling or grammatical mistakes, the letter - first reported in the Staten Island Advance - was never approved by Principal Emma Della Rocca.

“I would never have anticipated that … Mr. Levy would actually write something that would have not been readable,” Della Rocca said.

Yikes!

Click here to check out an original copy of the letter sent by the Dean.

Dear Burt Bacharach on a Beach tell me you’re kidding…. 407kph = 253mph. One question: what if there’s traffic?

Ewww. Poo.

I remember being a kid and looking up to superheros. Batman was cool. Superman was cool. WonderWoman was pretty smokin’ hot… But Captain America, he was THE SHIT! He swooped and and saved the day over and over again.

I guess, in the past 20-ish years, superheroing has failed to keep Captain America gainfully employed. Turns out, he is now a doctor down in Florida. It also turns out that he and his other superhero friends like to go around shoving burritos in their pants and groping girls… Well, who doesn’t, is all I can say…

Unfortunately, the Florida police didn’t find it all that cool and have arrested him. Check out the video of Captain America going to jail. This is right before he lined up the rest of the prisoners and decided which one would be his bitch tonight.

It seems that a drunk guy rode his horse in to a bank foyer to sleep off the effects of a night out with the boys.

metro.co.uk reports:

Heinrich and his horse were found in the early hours of the morning by local man Stephan Hanelt, 36, who came to the bank to take out some money.

He said: ‘It was a bit of a shock to find a man and a horse asleep in the foyer of the bank. I rang the police straight away.’

Heinrich was let off with a warning and rode home. But bank staff were less than impressed when they arrived and had to clean up after the horse, who had left a deposit of his own on the foyer floor.

He left a deposit on the floor…. gee, who didn’t see that joke coming a mile away… Newspaper writers shouldn’t try to be funny. They should leave that up to the hacks over here at Well, WTF?!