Man, I sure am thirsty and a bit tired. I think I’m going to go get an energy drink… hmmm. what kind will I have? Red Bull? Nah. Monster? No thanks. Rock Star? Sounds tempting, but not quite it…

I KNOW! I’ll have a Cocaine energy drink!! Now I can get all amped up and strung out all at once…

CNN reports:

An energy drink called Cocaine has been pulled from stores nationwide amid concerns about its name, the company that produces it said Monday.

…

The FDA cited as evidence the drink’s labeling and Web site, which included the statements “Speed in a Can,” “Liquid Cocaine” and “Cocaine — Instant Rush.” The company says Cocaine contains no drugs and is marketed as an energy drink. It has been sold since last August in at least a dozen states.

“Of course, we intended for Cocaine energy drink to be a legal alternative the same way that celibacy is an alternative to premarital sex,” Ivey said. “It’s not the same thing and no one thinks it is. Our product doesn’t have any cocaine in it.

WTF?? No cocaine in it at all?? I paid $475.00 for 6 pack, there better be some cocaine in it!