Ever look your hamster deep in the eyes and wonder what they were thinking? They are almost too cute and too innocent. No, something must be up. Are we mastering them, or do they really control what is going on around here? Douglas Adams was pretty damn close when he revealed that Mice happen to be the most intelligent beings in the universe. Hamsters can’t be far behind.

Well humanity is about to prevail over the rodent kind once and for all now that our fine University trained scientists have discovered how to tap the energy product from hamsters to erase our history, bad mistakes, and electric bills. With the Hamster Shredder, your furry friend will be able to help you destroy your past like a burning bridge.

Not only is paper shredded, but it then gets chewed up and woven into a nest, and even possibly eaten, digested, and turned into hamster poop. It doesn’t get more secure than that.

If only one of the Enron execs would have gave a better advanced warning “Hurry, the feds are coming! Get more hamsters!”, then maybe I would have been able to bail my stocks before they lost all value.

We all know that all forms of electricity comes from Hamsters. But since our new paper shredder doesn’t require grid electricity and uses a self contained power supply (hamster), in my first declaration of humans triumphing over hamster-kind…I shall destroy my electric bill! Huzzah!