We’ve all had those mornings where we wake up and just need a little boost to get us going… Coffee? Nah, I don’t want to get butt-raped by Juan Valdez and the rest of his minions over at Starbucks for a cup of Joe. How about Red Bull? I don’t know about you, but Red Bull has become ineffective. Perhaps it’s because I started drinking them so often that the feeling that my heart was going to explode actually became a welcome relief from the doldrums of every day life…

Nope. None of that is going to work. You know what I need? I need something that’s really going to kick my ass…

I’ll try this: