As much as he’s tried to hide it, we’ve all known about John’s fetish for farm animal porn and furry conventions. Today is THE big day for John because scientists at the University of Nevada (where John hangs out on the weekend (and now we know why)) have leaked the outing of John’s new faithful, yet furry, companion: Little Mo’ Sheep!

NEVADA, March 24th, 2007 (WWTF Wire) - This is no ordinary sheep. Nevada native Little Mo’ Sheep is scientifically tagged as a “Chimera”, or the combining of animal cells and human cells to create a single being. [ed: To help the WWTF audience to understand the significance of having a Chimera in society, we offer this dumbed down definition (DDD): A Chimera is a mutant. Really! And while Chimera is the name given to the creature by the science community, we prefer the WWTF-enhanced name for the species: “Sheepman”.]

When asked why a [Sheepman] doesn’t appear to have any human likeness, John H., the sheep’s permanent live-in partner and stall cleaner, simply replied “I wasn’t looking for a being that is more human than human, I simply wanted the warm body of a farm animal with the warm soul of a human being. Isn’t she just beautiful?”

It all happened late one saturday night during his weekly poker game with the University’s College of Agriculture, Biotechnology and Natural Resources (CABNR) staff, when John explained his deep and meaningful attachments he has to most barnyard livestock. He then shared his dream of how he wished the love he had for sheep in particular could be reciprocated. “If only they were more human so that they could return the affection.” The professors discussed the possibility and felt this shouldn’t be to much to ask for. By the end of the evening, John had successfully started a new joint venture project with the professors.

Several years and several million dollars later, Professor Esmail Zanjani has made John’s dream a reality. The announcement of the first ever Chimera was made today. The news surprised the scientific community by being announced as a “Human + Sheep” Chimera instead of a “Human + Monkey” Chimera that was assumed by biologists to be the obvious choice for the “First Chimera” title. As a result of this news, the primate population the world-over have collectively gone apeshit.

The project was labeled as a way to explore the growth and harvest of human organs for prospective organ transplant patients. The promise of an increase in supply to meet the demand of life-supporting organs is how the project received its funding and backing from the government. But, as of today, know the real reason and funding behind the research. “I’m so filled with joy it’s hard to hold the tears in.” John tells WWTF “My life is more complete now that I have Little Mo’ Sheep as part of our family.”

When asked about the co-existing relationship of “partners” in John’s household, he simply replied “Think of it like that show Big Love, but with an Sheepman as one of the wives. And instead of ‘OMG, OMG’ OMG’ I get to hear a very erotic ‘BAAAAAAAAAAA!’”. John can’t help but let out a big grin at the thought.

It’s not just the science world that the [Sheepman] is taking by storm either. Due to her being an actual mutant, Mo’ Sheep was asked to make a cameo appearance in the upcoming X-MEN 4 movie. Her special mutant ability will knitting her own wool to create leg warmers and headbands for the rest of the spandex wearing X-Men team. “She’s very excited about what possibilities and doors this may open. And she’s also a huge Kelsey Grammar fan.” John tells us.

When asked about any plans for the future, John is positive about what may come from the [Sheepman] project. “Who knows? I’m only a step away from having my own Mr. Ed!”

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