The other day I was thinking to myself… “Gee, I sure wish there was a bar of soap that looked like a steaming pile of dog shit.” Well, thanks to the nice folks at nope it’s soap, all my wildest fantasies have come true…

Now I’m thinking to myself, “Gee, I sure wish there was a ultra sexy, 6 foot blonde model that loves sex with overweight dudes and craps 100 dollar bills.”

I’m still waiting…

So I was sitting around the other day thinking that my life is dragging on far too long. The mass amounts of fried food and fast food that I eat now just isn’t killing me fast enough. I wonder how I could speed up that process…

Thankfully, I have found the answer in Fried Coke.

Phew! That should help.

Why should the bride get to pick everything? Why does everything have to be all girly? How about a nice manly meat cake instead?

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I’ve masterbated a lot in my life. And I do mean, A LOT! But, not once can I remember it not being a deliberate act… Check out this story from ynet news where the Supreme Leader says:

“Deliberate masturbation during the month of Ramadan renders a fast invalid.”

I’ll try to be careful.

A teen in Minnesota gives his 3 year old sister hard liquor and she passes out. It’s unclear if he was just practicing for when he tries to ask out a class-mate.

Read more about it here

Where was this site back when I was in school? Just think of how cool I’d have been if I could lacy my Keds like this!

For an ass-load of lacing styles, check this out.

Hate waiting in line at an amusement park? No prob! Eat a live cockroach and jump to the front of the line.

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A Chinese man who damaged his penis in an accident went through 15 hours of surgery to receive a penis transplant. The surgery was a success and it appeard that his body would accept the new appendage.

Wired.com wrote:

There was no physical rejection of the organ, but the patient and his wife had a “severe psychological problem” with it, and the surgeons had to remove it. It seems a shame because after 10 days, the surgeons reported that the organ had a rich blood supply and the man could urinate normally.

Well, of course they had a problem with it. Perhaps next time they won’t use John Holmes’ penis for such a surgery.

Man, that stain sure looks authentic!

Fans of Steve “The Crockodile Hunter” Irwin are so enraged because of his death that they are on a stingray killing spree.

Read more about it here