Metro reports:

A German man almost died after using a sink plunger as a bath plug and impaling himself in the backside after slipping on a bar of soap.

But as he stood up to soap himself he slipped and fell heavily on the plunger, wedging the wooden handle far up his bottom.

Oh Reeeeeeeeeeeally? That alibi stinks as bad as the handle of that plunger! Sounds to me like this dude was getting frisky with the toilet tool and things got out of hand. When he felt the handle bounce of his rib-cage he realized he had gone too far. Being the quick thinker that he is, he moves from the bedroom in to the shower and then calls 911 looking for help.

If this guy goes back to the hospital in a few months because his dog bit off his wiener, we aren’t going to believe the story about how he was eating a sandwich naked and he dropped the peanut butter on to his crotch and the dog went crazy.